I was forewarned by my duly betrothed that every “slack-jawed, MF” would want to give me advice, help and “training tips” whilst riding in groups. Apparently, the mere fact that I’m a girl, with girlie parts and pigtails and on a bicycle to boot makes me fair game for every man learning to ride a bike that wants to beat his fists on his chest and claim me as his “Jane” (who ever cared about an engagement ring anyway!). I “pish-poshed” this as he warned me….and I, was wrong.
This past Tuesday at Donaldson was only my 3rd group ride – ever and the biggest by far. My experience compelled me to post some notes for beginners:
1. Yes, every slack-jawed mother effer WILL want to give you “advice” – even if he can’t keep up with you, even if you ride better, faster and look more “pro”.
2. It won’t be enough that you are traveling in the middle of the pack and can’t help but notice EVERY rider’s hand signals to turn left “he” will say to you loudly, “we’re going to turn left up here!!”.
3. “He” will give you play by play of your OWN ride… “we’re going up a big hill” (NO SHIT), “we’re going to go back down a big hill” (really???? You mean we won’t just go up and up and up forever????)
4. When all “tips” fail to impress you…. The feeble attempts at humor will come next…
“That’s a really tall bike you are riding!” (It’s a wee bitty 43 cm)
Oh, the drudgery of being a “girl”…. and people wonder why we girls often take refuge in “bitchdom”.